There's a stocking with their name on it somewhere in the decoration box. You'll find it before you're ready.
The first Christmas without your dog catches people off guard. It's not only that you miss them. Christmas is built out of routines, and they were part of nearly all of them: the walk before everyone woke up, the nose in the wrapping paper, the slice of turkey that "fell" on the floor. The day keeps reminding you where they used to be.
None of this means you're grieving wrong. Here's what helps, from planning the day to the small ways to keep them in it.
Decide about their things before December gets busy
The hardest moments are often the surprises. Open the decoration box on a slow weeknight, on your own terms, instead of in front of the whole family.
Then decide what feels right, and know you can change your mind:
- Their stocking. Hang it, fill it with treats for a shelter, or put it away this year. All three are normal.
- Their bed or spot by the tree. Some people leave it. Some people put a photo there instead. Some can't look at it yet.
- Their ornament. If they had one, it can go on the tree in a spot you'll see every day. If they didn't, this might be the year you make one.
There's no correct answer. The only thing that tends to go badly is finding the stocking at 8pm on Christmas Eve with a houseful of guests.
Tell people before the day, not during it
Family often doesn't know what to do, so they say nothing. Then the silence hurts too. A short message a week before can save you both:
"This is our first Christmas without Max. I'd like to talk about him a little. Please don't avoid it."
Or, if you need the opposite: "I'm not ready to talk about it on the day. Thanks for understanding."
People take their cue from you. Giving them one makes the day easier for everyone. If you're the one with a grieving friend, what to say to someone who lost a dog has wording that works.
Plan for the hard hours
For a lot of people, it's not the whole day that's hard. It's certain hours. Christmas morning, when they'd have been at the door wanting out. Present time, when they'd have been "helping." The lull after dinner, when they'd have been asleep on someone's feet.
Look at your day and guess which hours those are. Then give yourself an exit: a walk, a phone call, ten minutes in another room. A shorter visit or a smaller Christmas is allowed. Nobody needs a reason.
If you laugh at dinner and then feel guilty for laughing, that's common too. Enjoying part of the day doesn't mean you've forgotten them. Our longer guide on coping with losing a dog covers that guilt in more depth.
Ways to keep them in Christmas
You don't have to do any of these. Pick one if it feels right.
Walk their route on Christmas morning. The same loop you did a thousand times. It can end up being the part of the day you're most glad you had.
Make or hang an ornament with their name. A clay pawprint if you kept one, their tag on a ribbon, or a photo ornament. Put it at their height on the tree. (We make a paw print ornament with their photo sealed inside a small crystal and their name on the front, if you'd rather not make one.)
Fill their stocking for shelter dogs. Treats, a toy, a blanket. Drop it at a local shelter the week before Christmas, in their name.
Set a photo at the table. Not a shrine. Just them, where they'd usually be, so it's okay to mention them.
Write them a card. Two lines or two pages. Read it aloud, keep it, or put it in the box with their collar.
Raise a glass. A short toast before dinner ("to Bella, who never missed a dropped potato") gives everyone permission to tell their favorite story.
For more ideas that last past the holidays, see our full list of dog memorial ideas.
If there are kids or other pets in the house
Children often handle the first Christmas better when they get a job: hanging the dog's ornament, picking the shelter toys, drawing a picture for the tree. Something to do helps more than something to hear.
Other pets notice the change too. Keep their routine as close to normal as you can on the day. The usual walk at the usual time helps everyone, you included.
If you're buying for someone facing their first Christmas without their dog
A gift that names the dog says what a card can't: I remember them too. One of our customers got a necklace from her son for Christmas, made from a photo of the dog she'd lost in October. She wrote that she never takes it off, and that she doesn't even wear necklaces.
You don't need to spend much. A framed photo, a donation in the dog's name, or a card that uses their name all land. For more options, see what to get someone who lost a pet.
One practical note: anything custom takes time. Most of our orders arrive in about two weeks, so for Christmas, order by December 13. We've had customers order a few days later and miss Christmas, and we'd rather you know now.
After your first Christmas without your dog
The first Christmas is usually the hardest one. The second still has moments, but by then the traditions you made this year are already part of it. The walk, the ornament, the toast. Your dog is still in Christmas, just in a different place.
If you want something of theirs to carry through the day, we make keychains and necklaces engraved from your own photo of your dog. A real person checks every photo before we engrave. No rush, though. It'll still be there in January.
Written by Jenna Morales, who answers customer emails and writes our pet loss guides at Designed Gifts. Her senior beagle mix, Pepper, still noses the ornaments off the bottom branch every December.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel worse at Christmas than right after my dog died?
Yes. Holidays bring back routines and family gatherings your dog was part of, so the loss can feel new again. It doesn't mean you've gone backward.
Should I hang my dog's stocking this year?
Only if you want to. Some people hang it and fill it for shelter dogs, some put it away for a year. Both are fine, and you can decide differently next year.
How do I tell my family I want to talk about my dog at Christmas?
Send a short message a week before: "It's our first Christmas without him. I'd like to talk about him a bit." Most people say nothing because they're afraid of upsetting you, not because they forgot.
What's a good Christmas gift for someone whose dog died this year?
Something with the dog's name or face on it: a framed photo, an ornament, a donation in the dog's name, or a keepsake made from a photo. For custom pieces, order early. Ours need to be ordered by December 13 to arrive for Christmas.
